I am veneer

Two movies I've watched recently and liked, for different reasons: "Blood Diamonds" and "Shortbus" (Cleo, you MUST watch Shortbus and recommend it to the Bordello people.. You'll see why).

After Titanic, and the "Gilbert Grape something" film, I didn't think I'd ever cry watching Leo Di Caprio act again. It happened. The scene at the end of "Blood Diamonds", when greedy-son-of-a-bitch turned good Leo gets shot (he's helping his sidekick - a fisherman from Sierra Leone caught in the middle of the diamond-fueled civil war - and son to escape), he lets the others go ahead, then leans against a 5 million years old cliff overlooking the breathtaking nature of Africa, and calls the woman he likes (all this while the militia is approaching). She is thousand of miles away. He tells her all the things a man can't bring himself to say, until it's too late. She realizes what's happening. Heart-breaking "last conversation" follows. Then he hangs up and prepares to die, looking out to the trees and a sun as big as the sky. I cried my eyes out. That scene sums up the two things that cut my heart: fear of dying alone; bad timing in love. I feel like Leo, on the phone, talking to the woman who will never be.

Now, to "Shortbus": one of "the James", (young attractive gay man in a 4 years relationship with a loving guy, and he's always sad) attempts suicide; to the question asked by the man who saves him (the next door voyeur) "But don't you know everybody loves you, can't you feel the love around you?", he answers (quoting by memory, may not be verbatim) "YES! But it stops at my skin, it never gets in". And that is me again. I never feel it. I can never feel it (enough). Maybe it takes just one love you want and can't have to nullify the power of the others.

And finally, non related movie, but I re-watched it recently and I found it as powerful as the first time: "In my country". Recommended.

Will is legend. I am veneer (and Venus).