when neurons flatline

Some very stupid things I've done in the past 12 months, inadvertently. You know, when your brain shuts off, and you end up one inch from disaster wondering "what the hell was I thinking?"

(note, I'm not talking from an existential point of view, I mean trivially stupid things, menial stuff, if I were to venture into life-related stupidity this post would never end).

1) I dropped my AC around this time last year. I was watching a rerun of Spiderman, in my thong (the detail matters, as you'll see) and decided I just had to open the window a little. Yes, the window where the AC was precariously nested, as in every respectable NY house, practically a living threat (how we love running the blade). So I open it, just a tiny crack, naturally the AC lunges itself into the void, itself and all its 100 pounds, I'm surprisingly quick enough to grab the cable, so there I am, AC dangling, me holding it up, palms sweaty, sweat rolling down my arms, wondering whether I should start yelling "Everybody down there, clear!!! It's gonna FAAAAAL" and call for help. I also wonder how the hell am I gonna hold on for who knows how long - in the meantime the cable is slowly snapping, wire by wire, blue, red etc, they're all going adios - when I notice my cell phone right by the window. I grab it (yes, at this point I'm holding the AC with ONE hand ladied and gentlemen) and call my landlord. He's Italian: it's 90 degrees and he just sat down for dinner, possibly in his underwear. He curses loudly "Porc Putt...", I overhear noise of furniture being knocked down as he makes his way out of the door, I see him cover the few feet between our buildings like there's no tomorrow. I have just started relaxing when I realize HOW THE HELL IS HE EVER GONNA GET IN? Well, my friends, some guardian angel, saint patron of sovereign brainfart must look down because THE DOOR IS OPEN (I never leave it open, never). So there, he rescues me. Small detail: I'm wearing my thong, I'm 90 degrees bent outside the window, my ass towards the door. And that's what he sees as he storms in: suprisingly he survives the shock and so do I.

2) I burnt my kettle. Twice in the past 3 months, I think I'm turning on the front left flame, when it's the rear left instead. So I end up burning the empty kettle that's been sitting there collecting dust for months. I only realize when I start hearing a "strange crackling sound and isn't that pizza I smell?"

3) I wore a very precious piece of jewlery to one of the Guggenheim's First Fridays, where you basically end up elbowing people to advance by 3 inches an hour, rubbing the entire surface of your body against theirs. And there I am, sporting a ring that was given to me by my Mother, with two huge black pearls, protruding, and tiny diamonds all around. I end up losing one of the pearls. And panic-struck I end up txting the wrong person asking for help.

4) New Orleans Jazz fest last year: I end up forgetting my small-change purse at one of the food vendors on the Fairgrounds. It contains a few coins... and a list of all my credit cards numbers and all my passwords to everything (from back accounts to online magazine subscriptions). Watch me run like hell back to the hotel, literally take over the computer room and spend the following two hours eating a fried mussles po' boy and changing and cancelling everything. Luckily the list was coded. And it didn't bear the credit cards' expiration dates. Still. Thank you Pookalu for answering my call and trying to calm the hell me down.

Now it's your turn. Top 3 stupid things. It can be shorter than this: and I said I wanted this post to be short? I should know myself better by now...